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How to Hypnotize a Chicken

Written by Alan Bellows on 20 November 2005

ChickenAny farm-savvy secret agent can tell you that it’s always a good idea to keep abreast of livestock-stupefying techniques. A chicken’s brain is small enough to be eclipsed by a dime, and is therefore a particularly easy subject. You’ll need A) an ordinary chicken, and B) a finger. In the old days they used chalk, but a plain old finger or a stick does the job just as well.

Start by holding the chicken’s head against the ground, and place the tip of your finger on the ground right in front of the chicken’s beak. Then, while holding the chicken’s head, use your finger to draw a straight line directly away from it. It will quickly enter a trance-like state with significantly reduced heart and respiration rates, and will remain this way for anywhere from fifteen seconds to several hours. Most of the time, it’s on the order of a few minutes before the bird normalizes.

Description from the Old Farmer’s Almanac

Alan Bellows is the founder, designer, and managing editor of DamnInteresting.com, and he is perpetually behind schedule.
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#1 MeasureMan 20 November 2005 at 05:50 pm

Hmmmmmmm …… I bet that would have worked on my ex-wife….


#2 Bryan Lowder 21 November 2005 at 04:21 pm

Yes, but to what purpose? The chicken is too stupid to pull off a “Manchurian Candidate”-style assasination…


#3 Alan Bellows 21 November 2005 at 05:35 pm

Bryan Lowder said: “Yes, but to what purpose? The chicken is too stupid to pull off a “Manchurian Candidate”-style assasination…”

That’s what Colonel Sanders wants you to think.


#4 Josh Harding 22 November 2005 at 12:30 pm

Yes, but it would be handy in a quick game of chicken darts.


#5 affnan 30 November 2005 at 03:41 pm

For all those humans that were hypnotized into clucking like a chicken at the sound of a bell…Wouldn’t that be a great trick to make it talk like a human at the sound of the bell? We could probably get it to run in the next primary!


#6 V-Blue 31 December 2006 at 02:26 am

hahahaha…….sounds funny!!


#7 ieatlettuce 12 April 2007 at 04:18 am

My brother used to do this with the chickens we had. It’s kind of funny at first, but the chicken really just lies there so the laughs don’t last.

Josh Harding said: “Yes, but it would be handy in a quick game of chicken darts.”

Chicken darts! Wish we’d thought of that!


#8 nate 21 January 2009 at 09:30 am

I actually did this once at MJWT (marine jungle warfare training). They teach you this way so if your ever stuck behind enemy lines and happen to find a wild chicken or a village chicken coup, you can capture and kill it silently. Pretty DI.

We tried it on the goat too.. didnt work >


#9 Gunerjimbo 20 May 2009 at 10:19 am

Now how do i hypnotise my dick or can i get a chicken to blow me


#10 cythrawl 06 January 2010 at 06:11 pm

humane roasted chicken!


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