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The Great Taste of Human Flesh, Without the Guilt

Retired Article • Written by Alan Bellows

Mark Nuckols is the founder and CEO of Hufu, LLC, and his company has but one goal: To serve man (or some reasonable, soy-based facsimile thereof). Hufu is tofu, but textured and flavored into a pseudo-meat billed as "The Healthy Human Flesh Alternative." They say it tastes like people.

At this point, the first question to spring to the mind of a normal, well-adjusted individual is, "Why!!?" For those of us who fall outside of that category, our first response is, "How?"

As usual, the normal and well-adjusted will get a lot more satisfaction than the rest of us. The company is delighted to share details on why, but as for how, their only comment is, "The taste and texture of Hufu are the result of painstaking research and extensive testing in our kitchens. We are supremely confident that our food products would satisfy the tastes of even the most demanding cannibal." Clearly, there's no meat in that response. Cough.

As for why, the company says that they originally intended to market the product to students of anthropology who were curious about the cannibal experience, yet daunted by the task of reproducing it. But the folks at Hufu soon learned through market research that some of the general public was "interested" in such a food-- though perhaps "morbidly curious" might have been a more fitting description-- so they are now marketing it to a broader audience. And people are buying it.

So what does human flesh taste like? Their FAQ says, "If you've never had human flesh before, think of the taste and texture of beef, except a little sweeter in taste and a little softer in texture. Contrary to popular belief, people do not taste like pork or chicken."

Their ambiguity on how makes one wonder if they simply made their best guess on the flavor, knowing that any persons able to refute the claim would most likely be unwilling to do so. And who would believe such a person's claims anyway? Perhaps they used a beef-based flavoring, sweetened it a tad, and called it good; but if so, they won't fess up. Of course it's always possible that their researchers really were willing to make some sacrifices to get the flavor just right, but they would never admit to that either. No doubt the ambiguity is key to their borderline, curiosity-driven marketing: sales will dry up if they admit to shenanigans, but equally so if they claim their researchers have eaten real human flesh.

Watch for Hufu in your grocer's refrigerated section, and coming soon, Hufu "Healthy Hearts" and Hufu "Doctor Lecter's Liver."

Article written by Alan Bellows, published on 06 November 2005. Alan is the founder/designer/head writer/managing editor of Damn Interesting.

Article design and artwork by Alan Bellows.
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56 Comments
Bryan Lowder
Posted 06 November 2005 at 07:21 pm

See this link: Link


Alan Bellows
Posted 06 November 2005 at 07:27 pm

Bryan Lowder said: "See this link: Link"

Are you suggesting that Hufu IS human flesh, cleverly disguised as tofu which has been cleverly disguised as human flesh!!?? It can't be true! It just CAN'T!

Or, it can.


Shad Larsen
Posted 06 November 2005 at 07:58 pm

I'm getting a Soylent Green type of vibe from this.


Shad Larsen
Posted 06 November 2005 at 07:59 pm

Also, the picture I found disturbing. Before reading the entry I was sure that the article would be somehow related to cat turds on a plate.


Marius
Posted 07 November 2005 at 04:14 am

Check out Samantha Bee's interview with the creator of this...um...culinary curiosity.

http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/the_daily_show/videos/samantha_bee/index.jhtml


Josh Harding
Posted 07 November 2005 at 06:51 am

But, but, but...SOYLET GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!!


Godrock
Posted 07 November 2005 at 08:27 am

Soylent Green or not, I'm hungry. When's dinner?


lem
Posted 07 November 2005 at 11:38 am

So, how do they know what people taste like? I hope they don't have a literal definition of "painstaking research."


Alan Bellows
Posted 07 November 2005 at 11:50 am

It's hard not to make puns about this topic, even involuntarily. The fellow's name is pronounced "knuckles," and he says on the Daily Show interview that he's interested into going in the "arms business." Oy. The site makes a number of tongue-in-cheek (!) cannibal references, such as the product's usefulness in helping a cannibal to quit the habit.

I think they're selling the idea, not the product.


Anonymous User
Posted 07 November 2005 at 04:58 pm

*barf*

ok.... who wants my dinner >.>

and yeah bugmenot has accounts here :X!


Alan Bellows
Posted 07 November 2005 at 07:17 pm

Yeah, I added the BugMeNot account myself... registration is required just to make it harder for automated comment spam to get through. But I didn't want to prevent people from commenting if they didn't want to register, so BugMeNot seemed appropriate.


JustAnotherName
Posted 08 November 2005 at 05:57 am

Rats!! The obvious Soylent Green reference has been posted already. Remember the beloved Phil Hartman that did this on SNL?

Things are just getting too weird. I see this marketable to the Japanese; I think they would think this is cool as long as it has something "techie" about it. Maybe opening the can or bag you get a song and blinking lights. I think they would like that.


JMYoda
Posted 08 November 2005 at 01:22 pm

OMG. It's a COOKBOOK!

.............
Had to be said.


Bryan Lowder
Posted 09 December 2005 at 06:05 pm

Actually, Alan, the SF story by Arthur C. Clarke is about a popular synthetic food in the future, "Ambrosia Plus Plus". A lawsuit is brought against the company, and the lawyers outline for the jury where food USED to come from: dead plants and animals, instead of the raw feedstocks used in the future. The food-synthesizing companies use old recipies as inspiration for tastes and textures-- peacock's tongues in honey, phesant under glass, etc. This company just happened on a recipe that's, uh, taboo; hence the lawsuit....


gagan gupta
Posted 20 December 2005 at 03:37 am

Leave it man..atleast i am Veg...so not going to be customer of his..food thank " GOD..."


papawswrench
Posted 27 December 2005 at 01:18 am

Yuck !! Gross !! --------------Damn Interesting !


rp2
Posted 28 March 2006 at 11:03 am

DrMindHacker
Posted 24 April 2006 at 04:21 am

Although I am not a fan of tofu, I like real meat, I think this
is a very good idea - I 'll will probably try it as soon as they fix
their broken ecommerce. The fact is, human flesh is the
most nutritional source of flesh for humans - contains all
the proteins / amino-acids and proper enzymes for
growth / maintenance and digestion ;)> Cannibalism
is a good thing.


Chory
Posted 02 May 2006 at 07:27 pm

rp2 said: "this is the best

http://www.eathufu.com/recipes.asp"

HAHAHAHA!! I love how they have the "Feeling queezy? Click here to leave" link that takes you to the Teletubies :P CLASSIC.


EuGenus
Posted 08 June 2006 at 09:48 pm

I don't know, meat is meat. Who it comes from is not an issue for me. Cow, pig, dog, man - they're all mammals (and all three letter words - did anyone notice that? Weird!) I don't give a little rat's ass as to the source of the deliciousness. In the words of Sylvester Stallone from I don't remember which movie.

-What is this meat?

-Rat.

-This is a rat burger? Good burger!


willboy
Posted 13 June 2006 at 02:07 pm

In the words of Sylvester Stallone from I don't remember which movie.

-What is this meat?

-Rat.

-This is a rat burger? Good burger!"

Demolition Man.


Filoviridae
Posted 22 June 2006 at 03:07 pm

lem said: "So, how do they know what people taste like? I hope they don't have a literal definition of "painstaking research.""

Maybe it's more like painsteaking...


Alpha Binary
Posted 22 August 2006 at 08:34 pm

I feel like throwing up...


NuggetMaven
Posted 25 September 2006 at 12:36 pm

Hufu, not to be cornphewzed with KURU, a disease one would get by eating the human brain.

I agree with Filoviridae, how do they know what human flesh tastes like in order to assert that Hufu tastes just like it... same thing with those jelly beans that assert they taste like boogers, worms, and earwax. I'd hate to be in the R&D departments of those businesses.


alloni
Posted 04 October 2006 at 01:08 pm

I hate to tell you people this, but it seems to be a fraud. I attempted to order some out of curiosity. My money was taken and the Hufu never showed up. My attempts to contact them via email failed, and when I tried to call the phone number related to the domain, it turned out to be the phone number of a woman who had never heard of Hufu and who had been wondering why so many people had been calling her and asking questions about their orders. Ah, well.


Tink
Posted 13 April 2007 at 09:20 pm

Probably tastes better than boogers, lol.

http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=271


Merciless
Posted 18 April 2007 at 11:05 am

Alan said: Of course it's always possible that their researchers really were willing to make some sacrifices to get the flavor just right, but they would never admit to that either.

I wonder how many of the workers have just one leg or arm. Can't you just picture the workplace. I think I got the flavor this time. Alright, who can spare a limb so we can compare.....this time? Haha :)
This is Damn Sick but also Intersting


Emmy
Posted 27 May 2007 at 10:49 am

Ooh, I want some!


JK
Posted 28 May 2007 at 10:02 am

Just One Question: How the heck does this Mark Nucklos and his chefs know the taste of Human Flesh???!!!


Kao_Valin
Posted 12 July 2007 at 01:14 pm

Technically speaking, one can remove a good amount of the upper layers of the skin to find out what that tastes like. Other than that, spare organs like a kidney here, and a piece of liver there, could have each been acquired to have the ingredients required for comparison. Really hufu sounds like fubar to me.

Alternately if you really want to know what cannabalism is like, take someone you dont like on a trip to the mountains.(insert lavish detail unsuitable for the site) and presto. Now all you have to do is convince the rescuers that it was a choice of survival, even tho you had that backpack full of granola and the mountains were full of edible berries :)


Nicki the Heinous
Posted 31 July 2007 at 03:24 pm

Is there something wrong with me if I think the pic with this article looks delicious?


Lisette
Posted 01 August 2007 at 09:58 am

Why? Why?? Why??? This is terrible... why would anyone want to know how human meat tastes? This is just sick and sooooo creepy.


Radiatidon
Posted 01 August 2007 at 10:23 am

Just a thought here, if cannibalism is the consumption on one’s own…

Everyday our bodies consume portions of itself. Is this then cannibalism?

If you are stranded and starving, and make the dreadful decision that you could die or sacrifice a portion of your body so the whole could live. “Chop… or would that be slice-slice-slice” your lower leg and foot. Then cook ‘er up for some chewy, hey either you would be tough or fatty, survival cuisine. Don’t forget to smoke the rest for later eating, hate to have that part of you spoiling. Maybe try jerkin’ some of that beef also. Or would that be meef (man-meat) since beef is bovine. Mmmmm jerky. Would that be considered cannibalism?

Dreadful thought, but then again… what would you do?


Radiatidon
Posted 01 August 2007 at 10:33 am

Radiatidon said: "Maybe try jerkin’ some of that beef also. Or would that be meef (man-meat) since beef is bovine."

Yes, I know that cannibals call human flesh long-pig. Still what would a term for man-meat be called? Bovine = Beef, Deer = Venison, Horse = Cheval, Goat = Chevon, Swine = Pork, Sheep = Mutton, etc & so forth.


Kao_Valin
Posted 01 August 2007 at 10:40 am

Radiatidon said: "Just a thought here, if cannibalism is the consumption on one’s own…


Everyday our bodies consume portions of itself. Is this then cannibalism?

If you are stranded and starving, and make the dreadful decision that you could die or sacrifice a portion of your body so the whole could live. “Chop… or would that be slice-slice-slice” your lower leg and foot.

The problem with that is infection, bleeding, and shock. If one is that close to dying, they may not have the strength to last the trauma caused by removal of a body part under unsterile conditions. Not to mention you could literally kick yourself in the head after you lop off a leg and the rescue team finally finds you dining on your pinky toe (appetizer) with your calf on rotiserie (main course).


Nicki the Heinous
Posted 07 August 2007 at 09:30 am

Radiatidon said: "Yes, I know that cannibals call human flesh long-pig. Still what would a term for man-meat be called? Bovine = Beef, Deer = Venison, Horse = Cheval, Goat = Chevon, Swine = Pork, Sheep = Mutton, etc & so forth."

If cannibals call human meat long-pig then perhaps pork is what we taste closest to? I would like to see HuFu put up to some kind of taste test. . . .

HuFu! 9 out of 10 cannibals can't taste the difference!


Ed Graham
Posted 11 October 2007 at 10:31 am

Long Pig refers to the look of a roasting human on a spit.

...can't help but wonder what I taste like.


Radiatidon
Posted 11 October 2007 at 02:26 pm

Ed Graham said: "Long Pig refers to the look of a roasting human on a spit.

…can't help but wonder what I taste like."

There was a New York Times reporter by the name of William Buehler Seabrook, who decided to experiment in the interest of knowledge. He purchased a section of human flesh from a hospital intern, his criteria that he could examine the whole body before hand. His choice was a healty adult killed in an accident. The section was unblemished or bruised. After cooking the meat, he ate it and reported the following;

”It was like good, fully developed veal, not young, but not yet beef. It was very definitely like that, and it was not like any other meat I had ever tasted. It was so nearly like good, fully developed veal that I think no person with a palate of ordinary, normal sensitiveness could distinguish it from veal. It was mild, good meat with no other sharply defined or highly characteristic taste such as for instance, goat, high game, and pork have. The steak was slightly tougher than prime veal, a little stringy, but not too tough or stringy to be agreeably edible. The roast, from which I cut and ate a central slice, was tender, and in color, texture, smell as well as taste, strengthened my certainty that of all the meats we habitually know, veal is the one meat to which this meat is accurately comparable”

Just thought you would like to know. Erp… now excuse me, researching this has unsetteled my stomach. There are some very sick individules out there, and the things they write…


Corrine
Posted 25 October 2007 at 08:17 am

Im all for good food but this is ridiculous. I have never in my life eaten human flesh and dont plan too. Im sorry I just cant eat something knowing that its from an actual human being that I may have known at one point in my life. If you like to eat human flesh and it makes you a happy personage then more power to you but I think I'll stick to my animal meat thank you.


Falco Peregrinus
Posted 04 December 2007 at 11:07 am

Forgive me but I couldn't resist. From a purely pragmatic view, why should bacteria have all the fun when you could go to newest, hippest restaurant in town.

Le Morgue. Get a taste of the Afterlife. Opening 2008.

(;p Please proceed down the hall, first door on the right. (:o====


PatrickWR
Posted 28 December 2007 at 03:43 pm

Kao_Valin said: "If you are stranded and starving, and make the dreadful decision that you could die or sacrifice a portion of your body so the whole could live. “Chop… or would that be slice-slice-slice” your lower leg and foot.

The problem with that is infection, bleeding, and shock. If one is that close to dying, they may not have the strength to last the trauma caused by removal of a body part under unsterile conditions."

Stephen King wrote a short story about this very thing called "Survivor Type." In the tale, a guy gets shipwrecked on a tiny pile of rocks in the ocean. When he washes ashore, all he finds from the shipwreck is a knife, a blank notebook and a few pounds of heroin.

With no food and no chance of rescue, he starts cutting off his extremities and eating them, using the heroin to deaden the pain. Conveniently, this guy also documents his demise in the journal, so you get a play-by-play of his efforts to eat himself. His downfall is absolutely gruesome, and of course the story ends exactly as you'd expect from Stephen King...


AntiBugs
Posted 14 January 2008 at 05:53 am

Sheesh.imagine if a new restaurant had been made.And their speciality,human flesh spiced with curry chicken.


Rojas;
Posted 17 January 2008 at 02:39 pm

The author said the first questions he would ask about 'hufu' are "Why" and "How." The first question I'd like to ask is HOW DO YOU KNOW????


EpicFailGuy
Posted 19 May 2008 at 10:18 am

when will this be on the market?


sid
Posted 19 May 2008 at 11:19 am

Radiatidon said: "Just a thought here…

If you are stranded and starving…. Maybe try jerkin’ some of that beef also. Or would that be meef (man-meat) since beef is bovine. Mmmmm jerky. Would that be considered cannibalism?"

Jerkin' man-meat? I believe that's called masturbating, not cannibalism. It might be better to focus your energy on survival, but at least you'd have a "happy ending."


Scottish_s
Posted 27 May 2008 at 09:34 pm

all one needs is a nice glass of chianti and some fava beans :)


Mik
Posted 21 November 2008 at 10:25 am

They must have some interesting people working in their product development department! I don't like Tofu much as it is, let alone some purporting to taste like human flesh.


missanonymous
Posted 07 January 2009 at 01:44 am

Heyyyy!! human flesh, don't knock it till you have tried it children!...you never know, could be the next gourmet steak XD!


rachel dsouza
Posted 14 February 2009 at 10:13 am

Hi fellas,
i am new to this site.... but when i hear human corpse, human meat, or cannibalism one thing comes to my mind is this video

http://www.ceveni.com/2009/01/aghori-sadhus-eating-human-flesh-video.html

though very graphics and not suitable for kids it is worth watching......


DamnAwesome
Posted 14 December 2009 at 08:48 pm

Thats fucked up


Luka D'Odessa
Posted 22 March 2014 at 02:32 pm

Alan Bellows said: "Bryan Lowder said: "See this link: Link"

Are you suggesting that Hufu IS human flesh, cleverly disguised as tofu which has been cleverly disguised as human flesh!!?? It can't be true! It just CAN'T!
Or, it can."


Me
Posted 14 July 2014 at 04:37 pm

Still tastier than McDonalds!


sheldon hodges
Posted 15 July 2014 at 03:45 pm

Having, inadvertently, eaten human flesh while in Southeast Asia, the taste did, in fact, have a porcine quality. Lighter than dark pork but still with a porcine aspect. Significantly better than MacDonalds.


sheldon hodges
Posted 15 July 2014 at 03:51 pm

Ed Graham said: "Long Pig refers to the look of a roasting human on a spit.

...can't help but wonder what I taste like."

It really is the "other" white meat. Rather good but slightly dry.


vladimir dominolov
Posted 31 July 2014 at 08:21 pm

gagan gupta said: "Leave it man..atleast i am Veg...so not going to be customer of his..food thank " GOD...""

you are a vegetable


Seabrook enthusiasts anyone?
Posted 31 October 2014 at 02:13 pm

I can't contain my delight. Where do I buy this??
I've always wanted to know, to be honest Seabrooks descriptions fascinated me from the getgo.

Now I'm hungry...


END OF COMMENTS
(New comments disabled on retired articles)