Any farm-savvy secret agent can tell you that it’s always a good idea to keep abreast of livestock-stupefying techniques. A chicken’s brain is small enough to be eclipsed by a dime, and is therefore a particularly easy subject. You’ll need A) an ordinary chicken, and B) a finger. In the old days they used chalk, but a plain old finger or a stick evidently does the job just as well.

Start by holding the chicken’s head against the ground, and place the tip of your finger on the ground right in front of the chicken’s beak. Then, while holding the chicken’s head, use your finger to draw a straight line directly away from it. It will quickly enter a trance-like state with significantly reduced heart and respiration rates, and will remain this way for anywhere from fifteen seconds to several hours. Most of the time, it’s on the order of a few minutes before the bird normalizes.