This article is marked as 'retired'. The information here may be out of date, incomplete, and/or incorrect.

The U.S. National Institute of Health (NIH) currently offers over 6,000 genetic strains of laboratory mice, and research labs all over the United States poke, prod, and generally harass the poor creatures, in hopes of discovering ways to improve the lives of humans. In doing so, they have found ways to cure a plethora of ills in mice, including cancer, Sickle Cell Disease, Parkinson’s Disease, Multiple Sclerosis, Type I Diabetes, early-stage Alzheimer’s Disease, baldness, and more. Some lab mice can even regenerate lost limbs and organs.

Due to the problems in translating these treatments into safe, reliable medicine for people, there is a gap of many years between finding a cure for mice and duplicating that cure in humans. Sometimes, given differences in physiology, the treatment is simply not compatible with humans.

The answer? I suggest we use gene therapy to transform all humans into half-man-half-mouse, disease-thwarting, regenerating mutants. It seems the most direct route to success. Plus, cheese is damn tasty.

Article on SEED magazine website (includes links)