© 2023 All Rights Reserved. Do not distribute or repurpose this work without written permission from the copyright holder(s).
Printed from https://www.damninteresting.com/giving-the-bird-the-bird/
We’re not going to post things on Twitter X anymore. The new owner keeps doing awful stuff. If you have enjoyed our mostly-daily curated links via the aforementioned collapsing service, we invite you to bookmark our curated links page, or follow us a number of other ways.
Rather than linger any longer on this tedious topic, here are some home-grown dad jokes. If there is any order in this universe, the comments section will fill with more of the same.
Q: What is the flavor of a chair?
A: Chairy.
Do you even know the meaning of the word ‘rhetorical?’ Don’t answer that!
My friend bought an alarm clock that makes loud farting sounds in the morning. He’s in for a rude awakening.
You’re right, these ARE my orthopedic shoes. I stand corrected.
I want a good game of hide and seek, but skilled players are hard to find.
Like tight sweaters, corporate acquisitions are hard to pull off.
I was offered a job at the mirror factory. I could see myself working there.
Did you hear about the farmer in Colorado raising cannabis-fed cattle? The steaks are high.
Q: What is the best stocking stuffer?
A: A foot.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I’ve gotten clean.
I finally worked up the courage to tell my hot female coworker how I felt. She felt the same. So we turned down the thermostat.
The universal remote: This changes everything.
Q: How fast are donkey trucks?
A: They haul ass!
It smells like death in there, and not in a good way.
My dad demanded that I go fetch some water from that deep hole in the ground. He means well.
Calendar makers: Your days are numbered.
A: I enjoy cooking with ghee, but I don’t buy it, I make my own.
B: Thank you for clarifying.
I will not rest until I find a cure for my insomnia.
I bought my wife a new refrigerator. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Did you hear about the hilarious thing that happened at the mandatory meeting? I guess you had to be there.
Remember that sweet grandmother on Twitter who thought that ‘lol’ meant ‘lots of love’? “Sorry to hear about your uncle passing. lol.”
Yesterday, we were standing at the edge of a cliff. Since then we have taken a huge step forward.
We had to cancel the big game of tag because somebody got hurt. It was touch and go there for a while.
“Of course you can count on me,” said the abacus.
IBS is genetic, you know. Runs in the family.
My grandfather once told me, “It’s worth investing in good speakers.” That was some sound advice.
Extreme camping is in tents.
The solar panel company wouldn’t let me pay for the installation. They said it was all on the house.
I was chopping herbs all day, and now my hands are quite fragrant. I’ve got too much thyme on my hands.
A weather balloon measures about 4 feet in diameter (adjusting for inflation).
A: Have you ever had a flatulence-based tea?
B: Yes, but it’s been far too long.
Like a German dietitian, I tend to see the wurst in people.
I don’t care for rulers. That’s where I draw the line.
Why did the farmer propose to his horse? He wanted a stable relationship.
I still think whiteboards are one of mankind’s most remarkable inventions.
The Earth has successfully rotated around its axis. Let’s call it a day.
My daughter dropped a brand new tube of toothpaste and it made a big mess. She was crestfallen.
You’ve got to hand it to customs agents: Your passport.
My friend tried to steal a box of lipstick for us, but she accidentally grabbed a box of glue sticks. My lips are sealed.
Elevators: They take things to a whole other level.
A friend gave me an expired pack of batteries. They were free of charge.
Comedy: To taste a bit like a comet.
A: How many times do I have to apologize?
B: Once!
A: Not gonna happen!
My wife said that the battery in my hearing aid needed to be replaced. That was difficult to hear.
I asked the ski lift operator if I could get a free ride to the top of the mountain. He didn’t take me up on it.
What makes a sentence a tongue twister? It’s hard to say.
If you visit Mexico, remember to use the word “mucho.” It means a lot to them.
There are more hydrogen atoms in a single molecule of water than there are stars in the solar system.
To whoever discovered the number zero: Thanks for nothing.
© 2023 All Rights Reserved. Do not distribute or repurpose this work without written permission from the copyright holder(s).
Printed from https://www.damninteresting.com/giving-the-bird-the-bird/
Since you enjoyed our work enough to print it out, and read it clear to the end, would you consider donating a few dollars at https://www.damninteresting.com/donate ?
A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says “For you, no charge!”
Q. What’s brown and sticky?
A. A stick
f(x) walks into a bar.
The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t cater for functions”.
Two guys walk into a bar.
You think the second one would’ve ducked.
Plenty of folks flipping the bird these days.
Squirrel to his squirrel friend, “You are what you eat”
Squirrel friend, “You’re nuts!”
What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?
Live Stream!
RIP boiling water.
You will be missed!
*Mist… consequence of being half asleep.
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted
I doubt that Musk will notice your absence.
@JarvisLoop We will certainly notice your absence.
Mr. Bellows: Beg pardon?
JarvisLoop: You comment here frequently. Some day, for whatever reason, you will no longer do so. We will notice.
Mr. Bellows: I am utterly lost. You seem to be upset, and I have no idea why. Also, who is “we”?
Mr. Bellows: However, in one aspect, I think that I understand. I am growing older, and the next second is promised to no one. Only that will be the reason for my cessation of reading and posting.
JarvisLoop: I’m not upset, and I am not implying that I look forward to your departure. Your comment “I doubt that Musk will notice your absence” seemed to be saying that we are nobodies to Twitter, they don’t care if we quit. If that is indeed your sentiment, you’re not wrong. Damn Interesting is just one of millions of Twitter users, and our departure probably didn’t even make a blip. I was making a sort of counterpoint that if you quit Damn Interesting, we will notice, and wonder if you are okay.
Sorry if it came off as flippant. While I meant it as a generally positive sentiment, I was feeling a bit cranky owing to an avalanche of nasty emails regarding this announcement. There are a lot of Elon Musk admirers who evidently feel duty-bound to call any detractors names such as “panty-waisted has-been.” There was no such response when we shut down our Facebook page. Strange.
Mr. Bellows: I understand now, and I, in turn, apologize for the lack of clarity in my post. I definitely don’t this community as nobodies, and I doubt that Musk would view us as such, either, given his stance on speech that is more free. What I was clumsily attempting to say is that many projects on his mind, not to mention his family. I imagine that he reviews the totals of gains and losses regularly but not individuals or businesses. I could be wrong, though.
Thanks for the kind words, and please don’t let idiots and trolls from any point on the political spectrum get you down.
It’s hard to believe that I actually reviewed and corrected my work before submitting.
“I definitely don’t this community as nobodies” should have been “I definitely don’t view ..”
“What I was clumsily attempting to say is that many projects” should have been “What I was clumsily attempting to say is that he has many projects…”
Yes, free speech is a horrible thing.
Done Here, it’s not free speech when ‘people’ voicing disgusting opinions makes others feel uncomfortable or targeted to the point where they themselves are unable to speak. A Nazi shouldn’t have free speech because their speech is oppressive, only inclusive speech is free speech.
Eldmore: I’m not trolling; I’m honestly confused.
In one sense, what you wrote sounds as if it is sly humor. If so, well done.
In another, it seems to be the antithesis of free speech because of the wide range of restrictions that you posit.
In some rare cases, I agee. Some speech should not be allowed, such as all Muslims must be killed, pedophiliac priests should not be defrocked, modern slavery is beneficial, etc.
However, I know of some persons who honestly have strong physical and mental reactions at the mere sight of a Trump or Biden statement. Are you saying that speech of that nature should be banned?
@JarvidLoop, well said. Either speech is free or it is not. Whomever appoints these arbiters of truth or acceptable speech truly governs thought.
Far too often, I am slow on the uptake. I just now thought of an alternative title for this article:
“Bye Bye Birdie”
Mr. Bellows:
I finally decided to post this information.
Years ago, I did indeed contribute to DI.
It wasn’t much because I live on a fixed income, and the current economy has tightened things even more. All of which means that, although I want to support DI, I cannot.
I switched to Spoutible.com. It’s great!
76K a month… to 5K a month.
Guess you should have stayed on FREE SPEECH X.
Hope the Republican hatred was worth it!
I’m not sure what statistics you are referring to.
If you mean visitors, you are incorrect. Our traffic did not noticeably decrease since we left Twitter. In fact, it has slightly increased. Our Twitter account was seldom a source of meaningful readership anyway. That’s part of the reason we so readily left once it turned (more) toxic.
If you mean dollars, you are incorrect. We’ve never made $5K in donations in a month, let alone $76K. And Twitter was never a significant source of donors anyway. Total donations have gone down, but that trend started before we left Twitter, and did not accelerate when we left.
If you mean something else, I have not yet imagined what it might be.
There were vanishingly few upsides to participating on that network, and the downsides were becoming burdensome. Leaving was the rational choice.
Further, ‘X’ is not free speech, and neither was Twitter before. After the acquisition it simply became a different set of voices being silenced. “Free” does not mean “only the ones I like.” And “free speech” does not mean “say anything without consequences,” it just means that you can share ideas without facing punishment from the government.
What a strange and misguided conclusion. I was going to say “leap of logic,” but logic doesn’t seem to be involved.
Hope you reconsider and come back, X has improved remarkably since the new ownership. There’s nowhere better I can interact with technologists and receive the latest news.
I’m quite sure Elmo is unaware of me not using X, too, but I’m aware of what he does with it and I choose not to use it.
There is no right to say grossly offensive things but to then expect people who are offended not to react. Say whatever you want, but there can and will be consequences. If you can’t face those consequences, then don’t invite them by saying offensive things. If you want to be offensive, put on your bigboy panties, man up, and accept that offended people have a right to say so, too. But don’t hold your breath waiting for Elmo to ever accept that.